Fundamentalist Christians Flock to Linux
By Karl D. Smith

Following the announced boycott of the Microsoft Corporation , followers of the American Family Association and other fundamentalist Christian organizations have responded in force. Opinions on how best to go about the boycott have varied, with some leaders calling for immediate un-installization of all Microsoft software while others have opted for a looser interpretation of the boycott and instead recommend waiting to take action until one's next computer purchase.

Another initial point of contention amongst fundamentalist Christians was what alternative they should pursue. "Well, at first we thought Apple might be the solution, but Biblically, well, apples have led us down the wrong path before," said Rev. Ken Hutcherson, leader of the boycott. "Others amongst us argued for the destruction of all science and technology. After all, if we deprive Microsoft of all technology, they can't go off and support gay rights, now can they? But in the end we all agreed that Linux was the answer."

Already, mass uninstallations are under way. In addition to the promise of freedom from a sinful corporation, fundamentalist Christians now found themselves less vulnerable to security flaws. Current Linux users approached the massive exodus from Windows with skepticism. "They just don't get it. I mean, Jesus Christ, every Christian I've ever known is calling and asking me how to use Linux! I keep thinking about writing some instructions down in Hebrew then watching them translate, interpret, and fight over the damned thing," snickered computer consult and long-time Linux user Joshua Rommel.

The boycott keeps with other boycotts of organizations that have gone against God' s Will^TM, such as the British Government, which, through its subsidiary the Church of England, sanctions the breaking of the holy bond between a man and a woman through divorce, or the children's television show Sesame Street, which has repeatedly featured two male characters sharing a bedroom.